On Letting Go

Yesterday, I had the best intentions. I was going to get through my first day back at work after a four-day weekend, then do a 9-mile bike ride and a 2-mile run to prepare for the same distances I'll be racing in this Saturday's triathlon.

Of course, things did not go to plan. My (much-needed-by-me) absence yesterday meant piles of work awaited me today. I arrived home late, feeling tired, hungry and well-aware that my legs were not ready to get back in the game after what I put them through on Monday.

It would've been too much to ask of them, so I chose not to ask.

We — my legs and I — decided that chocolate-chip pancakes, a cold beer, a stint in the hammock and a copy of The Hunger Games was what we needed.

We are very, very smart.

It's easy to see why The Hunger Games is so popular. I'm just over halfway through the book and tearing through the pages every chance I get. It's nice to be reading again, and even nicer to be doing so while also granting myself permission to relax, which is not always easy for me to do.

The warm, clear evening made my reading time so pleasant, and I continued to devour the book as dusk settled. I read past the point of darkness that would cause my mom to warn, "You'll ruin your eyes!"

But I pressed on, just wanting to make a good thing last.

I finally gave up and dog-eared my place, setting down the book and letting my eyes relax. Whatever I was missing on the next page faded away as I embraced a different kind of enjoyment. The subtle swaying of my hammock, the stillness of the air, the last watercolor streaks of sunlight melting into the horizon — all quietly began to settle into the void, like an ocean wave rushing to fill a hole dug in the sand.

I watched the sky as darkness enveloped what was left of my reading light. I was, in a way, still sad to see it go, even though I knew it would disappear all along.

This is when I felt a familiar feeling, one that you'll instantly know as soon as I describe it — the feeling that something has crept up from inside you and clutched at your throat, squeezing it to the point that you know crying is inevitable. You can try to swallow it and blink past the tears, but even so, the sting will remain for a while.

This is not the knee-jerk reaction you have when you slice your finger or stub a toe. This is what the very deepest hurts feel like.

***

It is difficult to walk away from a good thing. The easy thing, almost always, is to keep doing whatever you're doing. The hard thing is to realize that something must change.

To make this decision is not simply to choose one thing over another, but to commit to sending ripples through all facets of an otherwise peaceful situation. It means disappointing people. Losing relationships. Ruining plans. Breaking hearts. Uprooting yourself from someplace comfortable, and leaving a void that will forever change the landscape of your life.

All in the name of doing what you know, somehow, is right.

I recently made one of these decisions — hence that throat-clutching feeling. Beforehand, I thought about all of the ripples I would send out, weighing each one and fearfully imagining what impact they'd have on some things in my life that I care very deeply about. Eventually my fears sent ripples of their own, which only grew the longer I let those fears bounce around.

Here, on the other side of that decision, I see that some of my fears have come true. I have lost my best friend. My world is that much quieter and lonelier. My throat stings more than I would like it to.

But there are some things I never considered, like this quiet evening in the hammock, that rush in like that ocean wave to slowly, gently fill in the void.

Jenny Blake, who recently quit her job to become self-employed, wrote: "Fears are so much smaller on the other side. Prior to my decision to leave, my fears rang in my ears so loud I could barely hear myself think. ... Now that I'm on the other side, my mind is quiet again. ... I am not afraid."

I knew the darkness would come, yet I longed to hold onto the evening's light for as long as possible. Then I let go.

Last night, I lay curled in the hammock until I saw the first pinprick in the sky — a star, followed by many others, that seemed to pop out of nowhere. It's hard to remember, sometimes, that they are there all along.

You can only see them when all the other lights have gone out.

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Labor Day Half-Marathon Recap

This was one of the toughest races I've ever run, but also one of the most satisfying!

I wanted a sub-two-hour half-marathon so badly, and I dug deep to get it done at the last minute — literally.

Official time: 1:59:46 (PR)
Average pace: 9:09

MUST. FINISH. NOW.

The Labor Day Half took place in my hometown, Woodinville, and started and ended at my former place of employment, the Redhook Brewery! I had a good feeling about doing a race on my home turf.

The half-marathon didn't start until 9 a.m., so waking up and getting ready to go was a leisurely process. I really only began to get nervous for this race about 10 minutes before leaving my mom's house, and even then, it was excited energy that got me pumped up for the race. I ate an apple and a Larabar for breakfast, plus a banana on the way to the brewery.

I met up with my training buddy and good friend of 11 years, Carly, before the race, and we warmed up a little and goofed around with our parents.

"We're gonna win."

I broke one of the top rules of racing — never wear anything new on race day! — in two ways. I wore a new top and hat, both of which I'd purchased the day before in anticipation of hot race conditions. I'm happy to say that the both pieces were nice and light, kept me cool and didn't give me any trouble during the race. Woo-hoo!

As we lined up at the starting line, there were no pace signs or anything. The announcer just said, "Fast runners at the front, joggers behind them and walkers in the back!" Well, that's specific. 

"Just go anywhere. We don't care."

Carly and I positioned ourselves near the back of the "fast" pack and it worked out perfectly. We fell right into the flow of the race and didn't have to pass too many slower people or be passed by too many faster people.

iPhone pic courtesy of Carly's dad. Hi, Dave!

We felt great for the first three miles and hit a sub-9:00 pace with ease.

Our goal was to aim for 9:00 miles, but there's nothing wrong with creating a time deficit at the beginning of a race as long as you don't wear yourself out! I was starting to worry about having enough energy for the remaining 10 miles (which is a horrible way to think about it — 10 more miles!), and we agreed to slow down a little for mile 4.

The course was relatively flat and shady through this point, so we were just cruising and feeling confident!

And then came the hills during miles 6 through 9.

Yeah... no.

This hilly section was the part that I wanted to preview on my 11-miler last weekend, but I missed a turn and completely bypassed it. Oh, well. Maybe it's better that I didn't know what was in store.

The course headed over to the UW Bothell campus, where it took us up and down and up and down some icky hills. The first one was the steepest, and Carly and I powered up it, but had to walk briefly at the top. I must have blacked out for the rest. All I can remember thinking is, "Are we done with Bothell yet??"

The course wound around itself in strange ways, so I kept thinking we were done with Bothell and could head back to Woodinville, but then we would loop around another corner and go up another hill. Rude.

It was also hot by this point, and Carly and I kept up with our great water-station strategy that we used through the whole race: Walk through each station, grab a cup to drink and a cup to dump on our heads, down our shirts, etc.

We each took an energy gel at about mile 7.5, which you can see helped us power through mile 8 even though the hills slowed us down in the miles before and after.

I had my own chocolate Clif Shot tucked into my shorts, which is really the only flavor I like of any type of energy gel. I held onto it for a while and probably took a mile to eat the whole thing. I did not cramp up or experience any negative side effects from it, unlike my last half, when I got a horrible, frustrating side stitch after eating Shot Bloks. I call it a fueling victory!

Mile 10 marked the end of the Bothell section and the hills, thank God, but the route was almost completely shadeless from there on out. It was hot, we were tired from the hills and I could tell Carly was not feeling great. (I learned after the race that she started seeing spots... not good.)

I had a good amount of energy from my Clif Shot and wanted to keep a strong pace, but Carly fell behind more and more each time I looked back. I felt bad for leaving my friend, but we had agreed to run our own races if it came to that, and she waved me along. I had more race left in me and badly wanted to run it — I kept telling myself there was only a 5K left! — so that's what I did.

The last water station was around mile 11, and I needed it desperately. It gave me an excuse to walk briefly and cool down, since it was becoming harder and harder to run in the heat. My tired legs felt like they were moving faster than they actually were, and I kind of panicked each time I looked down at my watch because I realized my finish would be very close to two hours and that I needed to pick up my pace.

I needed a strategy to finish strong because, holy hell, I was not going to come this far only to miss my goal by a few seconds.

A woman ahead of me seemed like she was running strong, so I ran right up behind her and stayed on her for the last mile. I was probably no more than two feet behind her, and all I did was stare at her feet and try not to trip her. It was the only thing I could do to keep moving at a good pace, and it worked.

Near the end of mile 13, we hopped off the Sammamish River Trail and onto the road that leads to Redhook. I stayed on my pacer until we reached the entrance to the brewery, and then I fully sprinted the 0.1 (or 0.2, according to my watch) to the finish line.

Fun fact: 6:47 pace feels like death!

My watch said 1:59:50 as I crossed the finish line, and I later confirmed my official time of 1:59:46 at the official results station. Sub-two by the skin of my teeth!

My mom found me after I had my timing chip cut off and was all excited to congratulate me, but all I could say was, "Water! Water water water water water." Then I found a shady spot in the grass and collapsed. (She got me some water, and I apologized for my rudeness once I returned from the brink of death.)

Carly finished strong at 2:04:59, and we both felt a lot better after downing lots of water and hanging out in the shade. Although we didn't finish the race together like we'd hoped, we both did the best we could under some pretty intense circumstances!

I also ran into Aaron before and after the race, and he absolutely killed his first half in 1:39:35 (7:36 pace). Amazing!

Aaron (#610) eats half-marathons for breakfast.

I'm extremely proud of this race. I completed six weeks of training that included running, cycling, swimming and strength-training to achieve this sub-two-hour finish, and I ran the smartest race I could. My body never failed me, and the biggest challenge — the heat — was something I prepared for and didn't let stop me from reaching my goal.

Now I get to rest and relax... for about a day. And then there's my first triathlon this Saturday.

The next challenge awaits!

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Marathon Training: Week 6

I'm running my second half-marathon today — the Labor Day Half in Woodinville, Wash. My marathon training up until now has been more focused on training for this half and for the super-sprint triathlon that I'll do on Saturday. After these races, my thoughts will be all about the big, bad marathon!

P.S. I'm hoping to break two hours in today's half. Look for my recap soon to find out if I did it!


WEEK 6


Monday: Rest

I had a date with the lap pool on my schedule, but I rested instead. The weekend's 11-mile run, 15-mile bike ride and lake swim really pooped me out. I rescheduled the pool date for Thursday, watched the sunset from my hammock, ate a healthy dinner and relaxed while watching Bachelor Pad instead. (I'm not sorry.)


Tuesday: 3-mile run + strength

I didn't really feel like running on Tuesday and decided to only run two miles — one to the gym and one back after strength-training. But as soon as I started running, I felt great and decided to do the scheduled three miles. Oftentimes all I need to do is start!

I'll miss running to and from the gym when it gets too cold and dark, or when I get too wimpy. Whichever comes first.


Wednesday: 5-mile run — hills

When I trained for my first half-marathon, the DetermiNation team alternated speed workouts and hill workouts every week. Speed workouts help you get faster, of course, and hill workouts help increase your endurance when running uphill. I threw this hill workout in at the last minute in anticipation of some hills on the half-marathon course, and I'm pleased to say I nailed it. I also did it in the dark, which made the residents of this hilly street think I was even more crazy as I ran back and forth, up and down, 11 times.

Many people don't even try to run up hills (I passed several walkers as I ran up a hill during Seattle's Best 15K), but it's really more of a mental challenge than a physical one. Don't let hills defeat you before you even try to conquer them!

Tips for running up hills: Shorten your stride and swing your arms for more power. Don't try to run as fast as you do on the flats, but focus instead on keeping good form and powering up the hill with the momentum from your arms. Running slowly and steadily up a hill is better than trying to storm the hill and tiring yourself out!


Thursday: Pool swim

I felt a lot stronger at the beginning of this swim than I have in previous swims! I'm starting to put together all the things I've learned, and I'm realizing that it's much easier to swim when I do all those things (keep my body straight, look at the bottom of the pool, remember to breathe, etc.).

I swam for a full hour, during which time some of the lanes were dismantled to make room for a water aerobics class. The instructor was a boy who looked to be about 17, and he jumped, lunged and danced all over the pool deck as he taught the class. This hilarious scene alone was well worth the $4.75 price of admission!


Friday: 3-mile run

My last run before the half-marathon was supposed to be an easy one, and I'm happy to report that this was actually easy despite the fact that it was on the faster side for me.

I was a 10:00-10:30 min/mile runner for a long time. I ran my first 3.1-mile race a year ago at a 10:47 pace and was dying at the end. Part of why I love running is because it's very easy to measure your improvement, which is a lovely reward for all the hard work that goes into training. There are no shortcuts!


Saturday and Sunday: Rest for the half-marathon

And the hammock continues to be the best $40 I've ever spent.


WEEK 6 TOTALS

Miles run: 11
Miles biked: 0
Swims: 1
Strength-training sessions: 1
Rest days: 3
Tablets of nuun consumed before and after workouts: 6
Glasses of wine consumed after last run: ...inconclusive


MARATHON TRAINING TO DATE

Miles run: 98.5
Miles biked: 58.5
Swims: 5
Strength-training sessions: 10


See you on the other side of 13.1!

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What You Need to Start Cycling

For a long time, I was intimidated by the speed-demons in spandex who zoomed by me as I ran along my local trail. There are plenty of hardcore cyclists in Seattle, and I never had the desire to become one... until a few months ago.

That's when I started thinking about doing a triathlon. I love running, of course, but I longed to challenge myself with something new. I bought my road bike a month ago and signed up for my first tri a few days later. I love cycling so far, and I know I'll only enjoy it more as I gain experience.

Aaron, who is a badass cyclist (see: his total domination of the STP), helped me pick out everything I needed to get started. Since not everyone has someone to help them out, I thought I'd show you the things I'm currently using in my quest to become a spandex-clad speed demon!


THE WILL TO GET STARTED

Before I get into the actual bike stuff, remember that you first need to care enough to try. You can have all the fanciest bike crap in the world, but if you don't have the will to walk out your front door and go for a ride, it won't get you anywhere! Don't buy anything unless you have the will to get started.

I'll also say that you really only need a bike and a helmet to start cycling. The other stuff I'll show you is just what I'm using as I train for a triathlon, all of which I purchased with the intention of one day training for really epic triathlons that may or may not have the word "Ironman" in their names. My strategy was to buy high-quality equipment that would perform well and last me a long time. Don't feel like you need drop a bunch of money or buy all the same stuff!


THE MOST IMPORTANT, NON-NEGOTIABLE THING YOU NEED: A HELMET!

My God, you need a helmet. Don't even think about riding without one. I know I sound like your mother, but seriously — wear a helmet. Check out this story about a girl who was run over by a car — we're talking tread marks on her body — just 3 miles from her house, and her helmet saved her head from being completely crushed.

Whenever I see someone riding without a helmet, I assume they are completely at peace and ready to die. Don't be that person! Rock your helmet and make it look fierce, baby.

A ROAD BIKE

I'm in a serious, committed relationship with this beautiful bike. I was blown away when I first hopped on it! A road bike is much lighter and easier to ride than a mountain bike or hybrid bike, and it really makes a world of difference if you're planning to go for long rides or if you want to race.

I bought this bike new because Aaron is friendly with the owners of a local bike shop and got me a discount, and the shop provides free lifetime service (which, he says, can really add up). You can definitely find great used bikes in stores or online, but there are plenty of not-so-great ones out there, too. Go with what works for your budget, but don't waste your money on something you'll have to replace soon anyway. Consult a knowledgeable friend (not me) or do plenty of research before you buy.


CLIPLESS PEDALS AND SHOES

Clipless pedals are a little confusing because you actually clip into them with special cycling shoes that have cleats attached to them. So why are are they called "clipless" if you clip into them?

It turns out that the toe cage on a regular bike pedal is also called a "clip," and "clipless" pedals are called that because the clip (cage) has been removed and replaced with a locking mechanism. When you lock into clipless pedals with the special shoes, it make pedaling much easier and more efficient. You don't have to have these, but they rock!

My bike came with no pedals at all. Aaron bought the clipless pedals online, and they came with the corresponding cleats that screw into the bottom of cycling shoes.

The cleat is the triangular thing with the yellow things on each corner (eh-hem, extremely technical description). The yellow upside-down "U" piece fits into the corresponding shape on the pedal, and the straight bottom edge of the cleat snaps under the raised plastic bit at the bottom of the pedal.

Here is the shoe just resting on top of the pedal. As you push down with your foot onto the pedal, the cleat snaps in pretty easily.

This all sounds nuts, but it's actually really awesome. It definitely takes some patience and practice to get used to clipping in and out of the pedals. It helps to have someone hold you steady as you try it for the first time...

...and also walk alongside you in case you fall when you try to clip out. (I didn't! Well, I almost did.)

All you have to do to clip out is twist one of your heels away from your body. This will pop your cleat out of the pedal, and then you rest that foot on the ground while you unclip the other foot. I made the mistake of unclipping too late, after I had already stopped moving on the bike, and that was nearly a disaster as I scrambled to unclip before I fell over. It just takes practice!

Cycling shoes + cleats + clipless pedals = good times.


A WATER BOTTLE AND HOLDER

Hey, guess what? A water-bottle holder didn't come with the bike, either. It adds weight to the bike — which is a big deal to serious racers — so the nice bike people let you add your holder of choice. My holder of choice was the cheapest one at REI. It, and the bottle, only cost a few bucks.

You may also want to attach a little zippered pouch under the seat to hold keys, money, your phone, etc. I don't have one yet, so I wear a fuel belt that I use for running and throw that important stuff in there.

Cycling jerseys usually have pockets on the back that you can use to put stuff in, but most jerseys I've looked at are quite pricey. I just wear fitted tops that I usually wear for running, and they work just fine. Just remember that cycling clothes are tight for a reason: Wind resistance is a bitch! I wore a loose top on one ride and it was really bothersome when the wind picked up. I won't make that mistake again. 

SUNGLASSES

Sunglasses are important for keeping the sun, wind and bugs out of your eyes. Aaron has really cool, cycling-specific sunglasses (pictured), but I just wear regular, cheap plastic ones from Target. Maybe someday I'll be cool like him.

COMFY BUTT-PAD SHORTS

It just doesn't get much sexier than this! This is the rear view of my cycling shorts, which have a liberal amount of butt padding. The front view is equally awesome.

More padding! Also, the insides of each leg are lined with grippy material so the shorts don't ride up.

Confession: These shorts were not cheap. I initially bought a less-expensive pair, but I immediately changed my mind once I tried on this pair. The difference in fit, padding and overall comfort was huge, and I wanted to make darn sure I would be as comfortable as possible on long rides.

I have a few pairs of high-quality running shorts and tops that I wear constantly, and several pairs of cheap shorts and tops that I never wear. I've learned that it's best for me to go for quality rather than waste my money on uncomfortable stuff that'll go unused.

So, I have one really nice pair of cycling shorts, and that's all I need. I couldn't be happier with them. Just do whatever you think is best for your man-parts or lady-bits when it comes to choosing your cycling bottoms.

MY STUFF AND WHERE I GOT IT

Helmet: Target, many years ago

Bike: Bianchi via Peterson Bicycle
Clipless pedals: Shimano via Ebay (also available on Amazon)

Cycling shoes: Specialized via Gregg's Cycle

Water bottle and holder: Cheap via REI

Sunglasses: Target, many months ago

Shorts: Sugoi via Gregg's Cycle

OTHER STUFF THAT I DON'T HAVE YET

You'll want a lock for your sweet bike, but I've heard tons of stories from people who've had their bikes stolen despite using locks. I've decided that I will not leave my bike out of my sight. Did I mention that we're in a deep, committed relationship?

You'll also want to have a portable bike pump and repair kit, and the knowledge of how to use these things would be nice, too. You could also play it like me and just always carry your cell phone and have someone on-call to pick you up if things go awry. (Hey, I'm new here. I'll get there.)

The few times I've gone riding by myself, I've made it a point to tell someone where I'm going and make sure they'll answer their phone if I need to call them. I stay on trails that have plenty of other cyclists and runners on them, and I stay the hell away from cars. I also bring my driver's license in case I get into trouble and someone (like, heaven forbid, a paramedic) needs to ID me. RoadID is an excellent product for this purpose as well.

Also, check out Leo Babauta's Beginner's Guide to Cycling for more tips and information that I haven't covered.

JUST GO FOR IT!

Cycling really isn't that scary once you get out onto a nice trail and feel the wind on your face. The speed demons in spandex will pass you and do their thing, but just keep truckin' along. You'll be just fine.

I still have a lot to learn about cycling, but so far, I'm enjoying the ride. That's what it's all about, anyway. The best moments for me have been when I found myself chasing a bee as it flew through the air at the same pace, and when I rode farther than I thought I'd be able to — 22 miles — all by myself.

I cycle to push myself, to find out what I'm really capable of doing and to be afraid of one less thing in this world. Already, in one month, I've learned so much about myself on the bike.

And there are so many more miles to go.

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