On Roadblocks, Breakdowns & Changing My Course

DAY 58

As I checked in for my flight from Cairns, Australia, to Singapore — tried to check in, that is — I realized I had made a rookie mistake.

The nice man behind the JetStar counter informed me that I needed proof of onward travel in order to enter Singapore without a visa, and I had no such thing. In fact, I had specifically checked Singapore’s entry requirements to see if I needed to book onward travel — that is, provide proof that I was going to leave Singapore within 90 days — and thought that I didn’t.

Apparently, I thought wrong.

Please let me in, Singapore. Pretty please?

A year ago, if I faced the possibility of being unable to board my expensive international flight, I would have gone red-faced and broken down into tears. I would have felt extremely embarrassed and angry with myself for not doing more research. I would have beaten myself up and let the situation ruin my day — maybe even my week.

But I’m amazed, even as I write this, to report that this travel snafu did not faze me. I simply took 20 minutes to hop onto the Internet and book a bus from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur in three days’ time, emailed the itinerary to JetStar and then successfully checked in for my flight with plenty of time to spare.

No red face. No tears. I was slightly embarrassed, but it didn’t ruin my day. It didn’t even ruin five minutes of my day.

I was pretty damn proud of myself for that.


DAY 63

Having successfully entered, eaten my way through and exited Singapore, I was now at the the front desk of my Kuala Lumpur hostel, trying to make change for a 50-ringgit note so I could do laundry.

The nice woman behind the Reggae Mansion counter informed me that she could not make change for my note, and that I would have to go buy something small and come back for the 8 ringgits' worth of coins I needed.

My face went red. I felt tears prick the inside corners of my eyes. I mumbled a defeated, "Oh," and then hightailed it up to my room before I started to cry. Then I flopped onto my bed and let the tears flow.

Over laundry.


WHAT HAPPENED?

In one of these situations, I stayed cool and calm in the face of a potentially huge travel issue. In the other, I completely broke down over a tiny, insignificant roadblock. What the hell happened to that unfazed traveler I was so proud of?

The short answer is that I became really, really homesick on day 61 — the day I took that five-hour bus ride from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur. The feeling came out of nowhere, but it hit me hard.

My seat was amazingly comfortable, and the bus' air-conditioning was heavenly compared to the thick soup of humidity outside. I had a row to myself. I should have been perfectly content to relax for five hours.

But as I stared out the window at the Malaysian landscape, it began to rain, and my mind wandered back to all the times I've stared through rain-spattered windows in Seattle. I love watching the rain. I love curling up with a cozy blanket, a good book and a mug of tea or hot chocolate even more.

Suddenly, the refreshing A/C felt icy. My spacious row of seats became incredibly lonely. And I longed for a blanket, a real book, a spot on my old couch to relax and maybe doze off. I desperately wanted to grab a milkshake and see a movie with my dad, or bake cookies with my mom.

I arrived in Kuala Lumpur to more rainclouds, and a particularly dark one seemed to hang directly over me. I felt miserable and just wanted to stay in the hostel and stew. I hated the way I felt — like that annoying homesick girl at summer camp who can't stop crying long enough to have some fun. I thought it would pass, but I couldn't ignore the ache in my chest and what it was telling me.

I wound up tearfully Skype-calling my mom and dad and arriving at a decision: I'm going to take a break. 


REVISE AND RESET

My plan has always been to fly to California in mid-May for a family trip to Yosemite, but I had intended on returning to Southeast Asia to spend June exploring Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam before I attend Portland's World Domination Summit in July.

Now I realize I'd rather stay in the States until WDS so I can slow down, spend time with family and friends, and recharge a bit before heading abroad again. I was disappointed with myself when I got to Kuala Lumpur because I didn't have that thrill I usually feel upon arriving somewhere new. I feel like a really privileged jerk to admit this, but hopping between cities and countries had become the norm and lost its novelty.

I stopped crying long enough to visit KL's awe-inspiring Petronas Towers — wow.

I think, no matter what your circumstances are, that something being different is what makes it special. One short vacation a year can be a huge thrill, while a long period of constant travel — even to the most exciting places — can lose its luster, and you find yourself wanting to do things that used to seem mundane in your old life.

This is not at all meant to be an, "Oh, poor me, traveling is so hard," post. Most of the time, traveling is much easier than I thought it would be, and it's certainly a hell of a lot of fun. I just never expected the emotional side of it to get so intense — the side that has me missing my family, my hometown and all the familiar comforts of my former routine.

There are people who can travel nonstop for a year or more and thrive, but I like the idea of taking a step back after three months of being on the go, slowing down and rebuilding my appreciation for this incredible opportunity I have to see the world — not to mention the fact that it saves me from a few extra long-haul flights across the Pacific.


CHOOSING MY OWN PATH

At first I was sad to miss out on the Southeast Asian countries I'd planned to visit, but I realized I just don't have the same excitement to explore Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam that I've heard in so many others' voices. I've really enjoyed Thailand so far and am happy to be spending 30 days here, but does my heart leap when I think about wandering through Angkor Wat or inner tubing in Vang Vieng? Sadly, no.

My little bit of Chiang Mai, Thailand.

In college, I created a massive collage of Greece photos on the wall of my dorm. I've dreamt of driving along the coast of Croatia. I would die of happiness to eat just about anywhere in Italy. Those are the things I should be doing, regardless of how much everyone else raves about Cambodia, etc.

And I could certainly get more bang for my buck by continuing to travel in Southeast Asia, but time is a currency, too — something of great value and of which we have a finite amount. Why should I spend more time traveling somewhere just because it's cheaper when I'd happily drop more money to go places that make my heart do a happy dance?

In the next chapter of my travels, I will move much more slowly. I'll definitely struggle with the urge to see and do everything in every country, but I know I'll enjoy the overall experience more if I strive to ignore that pressure.

While in line for one of Mrs. Pa's famous fruit shakes in Chiang Mai, I shared a bit about my homesickness with Dave Dean. He's been traveling the world for well over a decade, so he knows his stuff, and he said this: In his experience, homesickness really means you miss having a routine, and you can help fix this by slowwwing dowwwn. Find a place you love. Get settled for a while. When you get the urge to move on, do that.

Sounds pretty good to me.


NEXT UP

I left my intense homesickness in Kuala Lumpur, thankfully. I thought I'd feel like a failure by changing my grand travel plans, but do you know what I actually felt when I purchased a one-way plane ticket to San Francisco for May 9? Relief.

Now I can enjoy the rest of my month in Thailand with the knowledge that I'll be seeing many of my loved ones again quite soon in California. I'll be able to spend my 25th birthday with family and friends in Seattle. And I can either hang out in Seattle until WDS, or take a few mini-trips to U.S. cities I've always wanted to visit — New Orleans, D.C., Boston and Chicago come to mind.

And after that? I'd still love to visit Iceland in July, and Europe is calling my name.

I'm incredibly excited for what's next.

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